...over and done with.

I have been swamped. I'm in "hurry up and wait"  mode right now, so am trying to get caught up on business stuff.

It's been pretty tumultuous around here, and I went yesterday to the house Bruce had been living at ... oy. Of course I started to cry while packing up his stuff... he was, in fact, wearing Emma's favourite rugby shirt when he died, so it's gone, the coroner cut his cloting off.

I found a letter from Jean (Bs Mum) to him just before he left hospital (intervention-style letter). Cried again. She had written a whole page about her geood memories of him, had fallen in lve with him the second she saw him in the adoption office and  how excited she was when they got to adopt him and bring him to Edmonton. That the minute he was in their house, he just fit in perfectly.
She had also written in it that the effects of his alcoholism was obvious in how badly it affected his family --- that "it is so sad that Erin can't stand any more abuse from you" , and that "Emma, who only a year and a half ago at Xmas 2007 was Daddy's Girl, quietly slinks off to her room when her Daddy is even mentioned". She also said something about "verbal abuse he had handed her in the 2 or so weeks after his stint in ICU, that she was not impressed with it, and knowing it was the disease talking, but she has now seen it and won't put up with any more* crap unless he chooses rehab. That I dealt with it for years, and I dealt with worse abuse than she got in the last 2 weeks
I cried at that, too --- that the woman is so cutting in person, yet sticks up for us in a letter (?)

*(Yet, speaking to me all last fall, she would say that I was mean for not putting up with it after YEARS of dealing with it. Yeesh!)

The old guy that was home when we were there (Laurie went with me; Joe looked after Emma) saw me pick up this stuffed dinosaur that is kinda crazy colurs... Emma and I had bought it when she was almost 2 at My Favourite Aunt's. When we got home se showed B, and he said "COOL! I love it" so she would always bring him his dino when they were going to have a story or a cuddle.
Anyway, Bill (the old guy) said at least 8 times that "Bruce cherished that dinosaur, absolutely cherished it". I brought it home and Emma and I washed it last night.

The house he was in was a frickin' pigsty. Like, I'm talking carpet that has had drinks, beer, dinners, ahstrays and grime spilled on it. Cat pee all over it. They are all heavy heavy smokers ... the walls everywhere were covered with nicotine and it had condensed and dripped down the walls likely for years. Ick. The kitchen cupboard doors were filthy; they were white at some point but were covered in black oily grime and food spills and more nicotine. It was disgusting.
Bruce's room was a disaster zone. All of his clothes were  on the floor, bed, behind the bed ... and even with it all packed into big orange garbage bags, I had to drive home with the windows wide open because the smoke smell was so strong.

I was informed in conversation there that B died in the living room, passed out on the floor where he would always pass out. That Bill actually stepped over him to sit on the couch (as he often did before) and didn't even realize he was dead. They also said it was the same place as the last time --- when he was taken to the hospital... and that if Bill had not come home, or if all of them were out that day that he would have died then. So it was just a timing thing --- they were home the one day, but when it happened again they were all asleep.

I have his computer and cell phone now, too. I don't know if I will be able to get into the computer or not... I might have to use the recovery disks, and just hope that I have whatever it needs. I need to find a tape recorder to tape Bs cellphone outgoing message if it is still there; Emma asked for it the second day after he died.

Bs truck is still there ... one of my friends husbands is a mechanic and is going to slap a mechanic's plate on it and drive it to here --- he may even help me sell it. I hope he will and that it will sell for a decent amount of money.

In other news...
Today is a perect summer day so far. I have a lot of work to do outside; I have not planted anything apart from a 6-pack of pansies an 2 perennials. I have at least 40 plants left to plant, as well as getting my seeds in --- this was all work I hade planned out for the second week in June before the police rang my doorbell.

My brother-in-law called yesterday as he promised to do --- we talked about finances and whatnot, and said he really wants to smooth out this transition time for me and wants to wire me some money to help out (like a few thousand or so. I was a bit amazed, as they refused to help financially before ... I guess they thought I would give money to Bruce or use it to pay his bills?

Anyway, that's been the goings-on around here ...I'm off to get on with dishes and hopefully the yard!