Here I am, LOL

Well, it's been a long time again... I keep meaning to write & update, then keep putting it last, then another week goes by.

Things have been pretty good for us. We're trying to get my house in order, sort stuff still! Work really takes it out of me, with Fibrmyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, a lot of the time it's come home, make dinner, go to bed before 8pm. I used to be such a night hawk. 

So hoping to have some sort of yard sale in the spring -- getting lots boxed up right now. I work in the catering industry, so January is slow. I have 5 days off each week right now, working only Monday & Friday. I'm going to be pretty broke by February, but I need the break, after having no time to re-group since last spring! 

I've so far gotten through the winter with no sick days from the Fibro -- YAY! I lost a LOT of time last winter. No major flare-ups -- I prefer "episodes", but for anyone else used to the other word, I'll use it today.

My daughter is going to be 11 next week ... 11 going on 24. She's smart as a whip, a year younger than her classmates, and her only problem is that the schoolwork isn't challenging enough. Well, she has problems socially, making friends, but has had a few bad experiences with people being "best friends" then suddenly turning on her, so it's not a stretch to think it's hard for her to develop those bonds. Plus with having all that happened with her dad ... well, she's usually fairly alone, and I hope I can help her change that & trust people again.

We've been suddenly plunged into a deep freeze here -- -45C with wind chill this morning. YUCK! Celsius & Fahrenheit are the same at -40 so, any Americans can figure that one is the same enough! I hate it, but we've had such a mild winter so far that I'm not complaining too much. The roads are atrocious, because the road salt & gravel mix they use don't stick when it's this cold -- so glare ice it is. We passed 2 accidents last night on a major freeway, people having spun out & hit the guard rail or cement blockades along the road. One was on the bridge over the river -- the guy was lucky that the rail held! Steel & cement are not as strong when it's this cold, they get brittle, so he was in a 1-ton pickup truck (a 4 x 4 of course, people hop in those & think they are invincible! But 4 wheels skid just as much as 2 do on ice), probably doing at least 100 km/h when he hit the ice on the bridge deck (that's 60mph). We think that he must have hit others around him because the RCMP had blocked off 2 lanes, and 3 police cars. The others were towed away at that point. Lesson to daughter wasn't only to go easy on the speed, but to always keep your gas tank full in winter -- we were stuck in the resulting traffic jam for about an hour. I wondered about other people around us if they were going to have enough gas to stay warm! The inside of the truck gets cold really quickly when it's this cold.

I drive a little FORD Escape. I love my Escape. I was watching the news before we headed out yesterday, and the story of course, was the wait to get a boost... they talked to an AMA tow-truck driver, and he was saying that plugging in the block heater isn't really enough when it's this cold, you need a battery blanket too (like a heating pad, it wraps around the battery). Of course they showed a bunch of clips of him boosting cars throughout the day and they were all Hondas & Toyotas & Chevy/Pontiacs ... no FORDS
I got up from the couch, got my coat on & went out to start my truck to get it to warm up... VROOM! Not even a bit of a hesitation, it just fired right up. Lesson #2 to daughter -- buy a FORD for winters in Alberta! Not only for the starting in -30C weather, but also for the good heaters they have -- they crank out a LOT of heat. When I had a Dodge minivan when she was a baby, I used to have to put a quilt around her carseat once she was buckled in because the heat wasn't hot enough to warm anything other than the front seat -- we're practically sweating in the FORD. Huge difference. I love my little FORD! 

There's probably more I could update, but I'll leave off there. I am hoping to start updating more regularly, I really miss it here, and I miss the other bloggers. I have a lot of the old originals at facebook now, but I miss keeping up with the blogs and clicking through to other people's blogs from comments. I noticed today, though, that a lot of people have enabled "friend lock" ... that kinda makes me sad, because how are we supposed to become friends if you're locked behind that? Just my 2 cents.

I can't come up with a witty title today...

Wow, it's been a long time since I've looked at this "New weblog entry" page. I keep wanting to come back & vent and rage, and talk about all the good things that are happening in my life these days (yep, things are actually going pretty well overall!) and just general stuff. I stop in to read some of y'all's updates, and actually comment sometimes ... I really miss this place. I miss the friends I've made here.

 Venting & raging ... my lovely sister [/dripping sarcasm] ... My daughter started talking the other day, after I picked her up from staying at my sister's for a while. Now, bear in mind that we've seemingly gotten along well lately... since my dad's wife decided to sue us for our share of dad's estate, anyway. My grandma came and of course had to invite my sister to pick her up at the Greyhound station (which is about 2 minutes from my house, as opposed to a 15-minute drive from my sister's work). I didn't really want to see my sister, I knew she'd make a snarky comment or two about  my house. Her house is a disaster zone, so she's got nothing to comment on, but she usually does anyway. She caused a medium-sized fight right off the hop, because July was a crazy month at work, we catered this HUGE event, 3 meals a day, to about 5000 people for 4 days, plus we cater to a professional sports team, and there were 3 home games in July, which is feeding about another 5000 people -- lots of work because the set-up and tear-down for these things takes days. Plus numerous weddings, at our location and off-sites. I had, like NO TIME to myself from June 15 through to the August long weekend (Aug 3) ... I had 4 days off in those 6 or so weeks. I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome (which is an understatement!), I'm a widowed single mom with a 10-year-old daughter. I'm on the go fairly non-stop, from 6:45am through till I finally "finish" my day around 9 or 10pm and fall into bed. 

So, the other back-story is that every time my grandma has come to visit, and if she was supposed to have her at her house first, she ALWAYS called me about 3 days before hand to say "I'm not ready, you have to take her first"... and we ALWAYS did (hubby & I). Matter of fact, it became the family joke -- "Has your sister called yet?".

Okay, so I started writing this the other day ... and I've been thinking about it non-stop. I'm going to post this much, and will write more later ... I'm going to go do some yardwork and vent my rage productively, LOL

Aaah... long weekends ROCK

I love long weekends. Having that extra ay to sleep in, relax, get a few things done around the house ... awesome! Love it!

I stepped outside my "usual circle" this weekend .. went to Winefest. It was fun ... you get a wine glass when you walk in, then there are about 100 wineries with their line of wines. They pour about an ounce into your glass to taste, and talk about the wines. They have a small buffet set up of appetizer-ey food so people can have a bit to eat. There was TONS of really good wines, quite a few things that weren't really wine, but made of wine (one a chocolate Bailey's-like cream made with red wine & chocolate and cream) and even a wine made of honey! We all had a great time.

I'm still window-shopping into buying a condo and getting rid of my house. I know what I want and where I want it now, but I need to figure the logistics of getting my house ready to sell, selling it, then buying the condo and getting moved in over there with enough time in between to do it, you know? I am excited, though, to have this change coming. It has been almost 2 years since Bruce died -- I don't know how the time went so fast --- and I still FEEL as though things haven't changed much. Emma and I still argue about the same things (largely the house and all the work I cannot do by myself), and I still see him here in eerything -- every ding in the wall, every half-assed fix-it he did, all of the things that are his... I'm going to sell off most of what we own, furniture-wise, keeping only our beds, desks, a couple of wall units and book cases and the living room couches & tables. Everything else is going to go! So I am excited about all that -- I just wish spring would hurry up and get here so I can start having yard sales to get rid of it all. THEN it will feel like I am getting ahead.

One of the reasons I am going to get a condo is because of the fibromyalgia ... a second condition or syndrome often accompanies fibro, called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and it has definitely settled into my poor wracked body and mind. I cannot keep up with everything here. And it is only going to get worse; it will never get better. I feel that having a smaller home, yardwork and snow-shovelling done for me, lower bills overall, and a laundry room on the second floor so I am not hauling laundry up and down stairs. THAT will be a treat! It makes so much sense to have laundry in the same area of the house as the bedrooms and bathrooms; I don't know why they didn't think of it sooner! 

Anyway ... I have a lot to do today, and time is just a-tickin' away .. to all!

Well, that's crazy

So, from too much snow and cold we go to RAIN and +5C this week. The roads are glare ice, and the temperature fluxes have the fibro going up & down on me. GRR. 

So I have been kicking around home all week ... puttering at stuff to try to reduce the bulk of the stuff. I haven't made a ton of progress, but right now anything is good, as far as I am concerned.

My big news is that my medical benefits have come through, YAY!! So aaaallllll that money I was spending on meds is now knocked down my 80%. My massage therapy will now be covered partially -- $50 per calendar month. My dental -- 2 checkups & cleanings per year, and root canals and crowns (both of which I need on one of my molars!) will be covered at 90% !! I really felt a HUGE weight lift from my shoulders the day my boss handed me the booklet & card. It's all starting to come together for me, I FINALLY have a break!

As for my housing situation ... I have decided to sell my house and buy a duplex. A relatively new duplex. The townhouses I like the new-ness of them, but I do not like how crammed in they are. There is an alleyway in between each building, and each building has 4 units, with the basement being mostly garage. That's too close for my comfort. There is a tiny front yard to each with a very narrow sidewalk to access front doors. There are 2 visitor parking spaces for every 40 units. That's not a lot. PLUS condo fees of over $150/mo and property taxes of over $150/mo.

The duplexes I'm looking at have a decent back yard -- about 1/7 of what I have now, enough to have some garden space, a deck, maybe a trampoline, and a small lawn. The front yard is very small, with the best part being a small sidewalk to shovel in the winter, and a single-car driveway, single garage. I could park in a garage for the first time in my life. I could have a nicely appointed kitchen with the bar counter-island thing. A little gas fireplace. NEW bathrooms! Bathtubs that are white! I would still have a small spare bedroom upstairs for crafting & keeping my Avon stuff -- I'm downsizing Avon, but still want to sell to a few friends. I would have a decent-sized bedroom, as would Emma (hers would be the same size as now). The basements are often "unspoiled" in these, meaning roughed-in but not developed. Which is fine by me -- some storage space for things one has to store, like Xmas tree decorations. I would have all new-ish appliances, good insulation, new furnace, cripes, the whole place built within the last couple of years! When I realized that THIS is what I needed to really have a fresh start, another weight was lifted off my shoulders.

I was talking to one of my friends, and we were talking about how Emma and I still sometimes fight over things --- and no matter how hard I try to erase the adverse effects from having her dad an abusive alcoholic, I can't as long as we are living here in this house -- where every ding in the wall, or every un-finished project and every blade of grass outside has Bruce in it. I keep saying, "Let's get this place organized for our fresh start'" and it's never ever going to happen --- not here in this house. The words "fresh start" are empty an meaningless as long as we are surrounded by him and so many memories, bit all the bad, as well as the good ones, before he lost it. Emma and I are still spinning our wheels because we are stuck, just as stuck as we weer when I couldn't leave when therre was nowhere to go --- now there is somewhere to go. 

So that is the other big revelation I had this last while. That I will never have more than $200 in the bank as long as I am here, repairing this and that because it's all so old. I will never go anywhere. I will never entertain here, I will never fully relax here because most of what I see is stressful. We had such hopes and dreams when we bought this house in 1998 -- we were going to reno a bunch of stuff ... it was in 2002 that he started to go south, so we only got a few small things done. So, I'm selling off almost everything I own -- except for the beds/couches/TVs -- and going to only take the things that I want to have... otherwise it's going to be one hell of a garage sale! 

I'm very excited about this ... it's going to be great.

I have been having fun at facebook during my coffee breaks, though ... Zuma has been a long-time favourite game of mine, and they nowo have a Blitz version, 1-minute games, weekly tournaments. I was friended last night by an ooolllld friend from high school -- it is so great to see her! From that it was a flurrry of friending with each others' lists! Hilarious to see the old pictures with our 80's big huge hair and skin-tight jeans (before the days of the "stretch" being added. We were laughing that global warming was all our fault with all the hairspray we used! Funny. I loe facebook for that -- I get to be social even when I don't feel well, and I need that.

Well, that's it for today ...

Too Much Snow!

Well ... I am home sick because of the fibro and having to dig my truck out of another foot of snow yesterday! I was stuck in my own driveway, couldn't get out! The top of my driveway levels out a bit, and my front wheels were caught in a rut that was built up around where I've parked every day, and the snow that I'd brushed off my truck. We've had about 2 feet of snow in the last few weeks, plus a deep freeze of -28C's. The cold actually helped the roads a bit because it helped pack the snow down -- it's warming up now, and I'm worried it will turn the roads into oatmeal-ey mess! The county & city crews have barely been able to keep up with plowing the main roads let alone the residentail areas -- they plowed and removed the snow once already (we've had well over 3.5 feet since the beginning of December!) One of my neighbours (at least one, maybe even 2 or 3 of them!) have been snow-blowing my sidewalks for me -- thank god! There is no way I could have kept up shovelling! I

In other news ... work is going generally well. I'm really trying heard to meet & exceed the expectations of my boss. This week there was nothing I could do to get in there, though. By the time I got dug out of my driveway yesterday I just went to Superstore, got a few groceries, hit the bank machine to deposit my cheque, and get some kitty litter to put down for traction. This morning the roads were a nightmare, glare ice, and I was feeling like death warmed over from all the shovelling yesterday, so I stayed home.

I've been looking a bit further into buying a townhouse lately --- unfortunately it's out of my reach at this point in time ... even with the "old rules" (the government has changed the laws) of 5% down/deposit, and a 35 year amortization, the payment is around $1000/mo ... I can't come up with the deposit. The new rules, which were changed because the government felt that 35 years and only 5% down (and 0% in some cases) was leaving too many people stretched too thing -- if the interest rates wee to go up, some would lose their homes!

So, my plan now ... I am still buried in clutter. It's not "Hoarders"-style, but I do have lots of stuff I don't need --- some of you remember that I had packed a few tuff-boxes at the end of my marriage in case I had to make a phone call to get out I would have some staples and something to start over ... I obviously don't need enough stuff to do 2-3 households (I had taken some stuff out of my trailer before it got stolen).  I'm going to have a series of huge yard sales once spring kicks in. List some stuff on Kijiji.

I've given up on the Lia Sophia jewellery sales -- I just don't have evenings to be running around town doing parties. And Avon isn't really going very well -- the switch to always-2-week campaigns has just taken away my ability to keep up. I've tried only working one campaign a month, but it's not working. Once I get my house in order I'll try to have in-home Avon days (I know I've said it before, but hopefully I can get my act together  -- if I could get my sales up again, then I could put that away for my deposit! *sigh*

Well... off to get something done,, then maybe a nap ...